


Up in the Air

by DreadSpark



Series: Up in the Air Universe [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: A fucked up family but a family regardless, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Because we definitely need another chatfic, Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Gen, Homunculi as Family, Nobody can into feelings, Relationships will be mostly canon, but then I fell down the dark rabbit hole that is "plot", except Al who has to watch everyone else be oblivious messes, groupchat, groupchat fic, this was supposed to be a comedy fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-22 02:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 15,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22641436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreadSpark/pseuds/DreadSpark
Summary: Fullmetal: Uuuuuuuuuuuugh.Fullmetal: Why must life be this way.Gearhead: You’re gonna have to be more specificIn which I start up another Fullmetal Alchemist chatfic because apparently there aren't enough of them in the world.
Relationships: Edward Elric & Winry Rockbell, Lan Fan & Ling Yao, Mei Chan | May Chang & Alphonse Elric, Mei Chan | May Chang/Alphonse Elric, Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Series: Up in the Air Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1682695
Comments: 66
Kudos: 289





	1. High School Orientation

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Shenanigan and a Half](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16009589) by [Cornerverse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cornerverse/pseuds/Cornerverse). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Fullmetal: Edward  
> Brother No: Alphonse  
> Gearhead: Winry
> 
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Fullmetal** added **Brother No** and **Gearhead** to the chat.

**Fullmetal:** Uuuuuuuuuuuugh.

 **Fullmetal:** Why must life be this way.

 **Gearhead:** You’re gonna have to be more specific

 **Brother No:** He’s groaning over the school year starting up again.

 **Gearhead:** valid

 **Brother No:** Not you too.

 **Fullmetal:** Okay yes this is partly because of school, but also apparently it’s gonna rain.

 **Fullmetal:** Which means my limbs are trying to kill me with pain. It’s taking all I am not to be moaning and groaning in the middle of orientation.

 **Brother No:** Fair.

 **Gearhead:** At least today is just orientation stuff so you don’t have to try to do much in the way of work, hopefully.

 **Fullmetal:** Yeah, just keep my head firmly rooted to the back of the chair in front of me until the pain meds kick in.

 **Brother No:** And try not to punch anyone.

 **Fullmetal:** In my defence, that asshole senior from last year had it coming.

 **Brother No:** Did you have to use your automail arm, though?

 **Gearhead:** IS THAT WHY YOU HAD TO GET ME TO FIX IT THAT EVENING?!

 **Fullmetal:** …He really did have it coming.

 **Brother No:** You see what I have to work with?

 **Gearhead:** Edward Elric, you’re lucky I don’t have a wrench.

 **Fullmetal:** And now all I feel is Feartm.

* * *

**Fresh Prince of Xing** added **Hoodie Ninja** to the chat

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Lan Faaaaaaan

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I’m hungryyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Did you just throw a muesli bar at me

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** You’re the best

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Please try to pay attention to the orientation…

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** But it’s so boooooooring

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I wonder if anyone would notice me taking a nap

 **Hoodie Ninja:** They would notice me kicking your ass for sleeping in the middle of an important school event.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I can’t believe you would betray me like this

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord…

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Fiiiiiiiiiine

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** …Hey, see anyone interesting?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** The people on stage.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Take the fun out of everything…


	2. Orientation Part 2: Fullmetal Boogaloo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Fullmetal: Edward  
> Brother No: Alphonse  
> Gearhead: Winry
> 
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Fullmetal:** So I got to piss off a teacher today

 **Brother No:** See username.

 **Gearhead:** What did you do

 **Fullmetal:** Nothing!

 **Fullmetal:** …Mostly

 **Fullmetal:** So you know how today is rainy and that makes me want to die just to ease the pain

 **Fullmetal:** I mean the meds had started to finally work but not fast enough to do much yet

 **Brother No:** Hm.

 **Gearhead:** okay…

 **Fullmetal:** So I’m in full-on grump mode and really not able to partake in this shitty “everyone get to know each other” activity thing they had going on

 **Gearhead:** Not like you’re that social anyway

 **Fullmetal:** You see my problem

 **Fullmetal:** Teacher for this class was new, and obviously hadn’t looked at my file or been told by another teacher what was up

 **Fullmetal:** She was all “Everyone’s tired on their first day and doesn’t wanna be in school stop being so difficult”

 **Brother No:** Brother…

 **Fullmetal:** Looked her dead in the eye as I rolled my sleeve up and swung the automail up onto my desk

 **Fullmetal:** Maybe not my best move, but watching her go from one hundred to zero in about a second was fucking worth it

 **Fullmetal:** Foreign exchange kid I got grouped in with looked like I’d made his fuckin’ day so

 **Fullmetal:** Good for him I guess

 **Gearhead:** I’m checking that leg as soon as you’re home

 **Fullmetal:** Yes ma’am

* * *

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** I just witnessed

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** The greatest goddamn thing

 **Hoodie Ninja:** I hesitate to ask, but go on.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** So after I get introduced to the class as a foreign exchange student (which seemed to go well, considering), we break up into small groups to say hi and introduce ourselves

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** You have _no_ sense of storytelling

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Anyway, there’s one guy in the group I get put into, who’s clearly not having the best of days

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Dunno what his problem is, but the look on his face says he just wants to die

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Mood.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Doesn’t say a word for the whole thing

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Teacher takes offense, starts chewing him out for not participating, as if any of the students really care that much about it anyway

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** This guy doesn’t say a word, just deadeyes her while he rolls up his sleeve and slams his leg up on his desk

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Dude has two full replacement automail limbs

 **Hoodie Ninja:** You’re fucking with me.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I swear it’s 100% legit

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Teacher sat at her desk and sulked for the rest of the class, it was amazing

 **Hoodie Ninja:** HA

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I feel like this may be the start of a beautiful friendship

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Or a massive fireball as it crashes and burns.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** whynotboth.jpg


	3. At Last, the Two Sides (Are About To) Meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Fullmetal: Edward  
> Brother No: Alphonse  
> Gearhead: Winry
> 
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Hoodie Ninja:** Finally out of class. Teacher saw me with my phone and held me back for a lecture

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Ouch

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Can I plead guilty and reduce my sentence with an offering of food?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Would I get to eat it instead of look at it before you eat it?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I feel attacked!

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Good.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Where are you?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Library. Automail kid and I got talking, so far so good!

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Be there soon.

* * *

**Fullmetal:** So uh. I may have… made a friend?

 **Gearhead:** Sounds fake but okay

 **Brother, No:** Brother, making a friend? Seems suspicious.

 **Fullmetal:** I can’t believe I’m being betrayed like this

 **Gearhead:** So who is this mystery friend of yours?

 **Fullmetal:** Foreign exchange kid from last class. Apparently he thought showing off two automail limbs was a sign of a potential friendship.

 **Gearhead:** How are the stumps, by the way?

 **Fullmetal:** Better. Painkillers finally kicked in. Still grumpy as hell.

 **Gearhead:** So, your usual self?

 **Fullmetal:** Fuckening…

 **Brother, No:** So where are you now?

 **Fullmetal:** Library. We’ve been talking anime for the last five minutes.

 **Brother, No:** On my way.

 **Gearhead:** Same. Can’t wait to find out who tamed the short beast that is Edward Elric.

 **Fullmetal:** WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE’D FIT UNDER A DESK WHILE STANDING?!

* * *

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Note to self – automail kid has a height-based berserk button.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord...


	4. Captain Teenager

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Fullmetal: Edward  
> Brother No: Alphonse  
> Gearhead: Winry
> 
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Fullmetal** added **Fresh Prince of Xing** and **Hoodie Ninja** to the chat.

**Fullmetal:** There, it’s official.

 **Brother No:** Welcome to the shenanigans that are our lives

 **Gearhead:** More like a shenanigan and a half with how short Ed is

 **Fullmetal:** WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE COULD SIT ON A GRAIN OF RICE?!

 **Gearhead:** You, clearly

 **Fullmetal:** I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!

 **Gearhead:** Sure, I’ll be waiting with my wrench

 **Fullmetal:** ………………………..

 **Fullmetal:** _you win this round._

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I feel like popcorn would be appropriate

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord…

 **Gearhead:** Actually that reminds me. Forgive me if it’s a sensitive topic, but what’s the deal with calling Ling “young lord”? He’s not actual nobility or anything, is he?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** That is… well…

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** It’s complicated

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Yes.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** It has been less than an hour since we introduced ourselves; it is not something I would like to go into. Perhaps when we know each other better.

 **Gearhead:** Fair enough. I totally understand.

 **Fullmetal:** Yeah, guess we’ve all got something like that. Our lives haven’t exactly been uneventful.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** By our shenanigans combined, we are _Captain Teenager!_

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** OW! Lan Fan, why?!

 **Hoodie Ninja:** You deserved it for a joke like that.

 **Gearhead:** What did you do?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** I punched him in the arm.

 **Gearhead:** Sounds reasonable.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** And I thought we were going to be FRIENDS


	5. Central Victims Unit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> User Names:
> 
> Need a Light: Mustang  
> Dad Jokes: Hughes  
> Fuck You Marvel: Hawkeye  
> Cry Havoc: Havoc  
> Fatgum: Breda  
> Zoom and Enhance: Falman  
> Hackerman: Fuery

**_Dad Jokes_ ** _added **Need a Light** , **Fuck You Marvel** , **Cry Havoc** , **Fatgum** , **Zoom and Enhance** and **Hackerman** to the chat._

**Dad Jokes:** Officers of Central, assemble!

 **Need a Light:** Oh no.

**_Need a Light_ ** _has left the chat._

**_Dad Jokes_ ** _added **Need a Light** to the chat._

**Need a Light:** NO

**_Need a Light_ ** _has left the chat._

**_Dad Jokes_ ** _added **Need a Light** to the chat._

**Need a Light:** MAES, NO

**_Need a Light_ ** _has left the chat._

**_Fuck You Marvel_ ** _added **Need a Light** to the chat._

**Need a Light:** Et tu, Hawkeye?

 **Fuck You Marvel:** If we have to suffer, so do you.

 **Need a Light:** …

 **Need a Light:** …Fine.

 **Hackerman:** Wow, that worked?

 **Zoom and Enhance:** Would you dare defy Detective Hawkeye?

 **Hackerman:** Point taken.

 **Need a Light:** So, Detective Hughes.

 **Need a Light:** To what do we owe this displeasure?

 **Dad Jokes:** Why Roy, I can’t believe you think so little of me.

 **Need a Light:** I can.

 **Fuck You Marvel:** The idea was mine, sir. The intention was to promote cooperation between officers and improve morale.

 **Dad Jokes:** I figured hey, why not?

 **Dad Jokes:** So now I get to tell you all about my darling Elicia!

**_Need a Light_ ** _has left the chat._

**Fatgum:** I knew it. Pay up, Havoc.

 **Cry Havoc:** Damn it.

**_Fuck You Marvel_ ** _added **Need a Light** to the chat._

**Need a Light:** Why are we still here?

 **Need a Light:** Just to suffer?

 **Fuck You Marvel:** If you insist…

 **Need a Light:** FUCK I TAKE IT BACK


	6. Dread It, Run From It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Fullmetal: Edward  
> Brother No: Alphonse  
> Gearhead: Winry
> 
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Hoodie Ninja:** So I just saw Ed. He was staring off into the distance with a look of fear on his face and holding onto an orientation book. I am concerned.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** I asked him what was wrong and all he said was “I’m gonna die.”

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Which I mean, mood, but I feel like this is different

 **Gearhead:** Want me to come over there?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** If you wouldn’t min- wait

 **Hoodie Ninja:** He just pointed to a thing in the book.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** “Physical Education: Izumi Curtis”? Is he scared a teacher’s gonna kill him?

 **Gearhead:** Oh. I get it.

 **Brother No:** Oh god, I’m gonna die.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Not you too!

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I feel like there’s a story behind this.

 **Gearhead:** I guess it’s storytime

 **Brother No:** So, Brother and I first started learning alchemy when I was about seven

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Wow.

 **Brother No:** It wasn’t long after our bio-dad left, and we realised it made mum happy to see us do it. So, we put all we were into it

 **Gearhead:** As the Elrics do.

 **Brother No:** We eventually ran into a wall. We could only learn so much before we realised we needed a teacher. But back then, we lived in Resembool, and the only alchemist that might have been able to teach us had left.

 **Brother No:** One year we had about a week of really bad rain – so much that the river threatened to burst its banks and flood the entire town

 **Brother No:** That was when we saw her… Ms. Curtis used her alchemy to shore up the river and keep it from flooding. I think she said she was just passing through the area when it happened, but it worked out for us.

 **Brother No:** We begged her to become our teacher. She refused at first, but after talking with mum she decided to take us in. Little did we know…

 **Fullmetal:** Before we actually became her students, she wanted to test our abilities. Take a guess what she did.

 **Gearhead:** I actually don’t know about this but I’m guessing something complex to do with alchemy?

 **Fullmetal:** She gave us a knife, told us she'd come back in a month, and left us on an island alone. If we could answer the question she asked us before she left, we’d pass.

 **Gearhead:** WHAT

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** WHAT

 **Hoodie Ninja:** …

 **Hoodie Ninja:** That seems excessive.

 **Fullmetal:** It worked. We ended up passing, and training under her for six months. She was a harsh teacher, but we became better alchemists, and martial artists to boot. “To train the body, you must first train the mind.”

 **Fullmetal:** We just know we’re going to be used as the examples and she’s gonna run us into the ground.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** …Martial artists?

 **Fullmetal:** Yeah. We got pretty good at it.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Want to test that theory?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Lan Fan no

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Lan Fan YES

* * *

 **Fullmetal:** _I WANT A FUCKING REMATCH_


	7. Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Fullmetal: Edward  
> Need a Light: Roy

**Direct Message (@Need a Light)**

**Fullmetal:** Hey. Uh, not sure if you’re awake or anything, but…

 **Fullmetal:** I figured I’d get this all out now before I started getting second thoughts and regretting it later.

 **Fullmetal:** Thank you. For taking us in. Because, going back and thinking about back then, if you hadn’t I think we might have done something drastic and really stupid.

 **Fullmetal:** Mum was the last bit of normalcy we had in our lives, and when she got torn from us, we had no idea what to do. When you came to see us, you saw how dead I was inside.

 **Fullmetal:** I don’t know why you and Riza decided to adopt us, but I know I’m glad you did. I can’t speak for Al, but I think he’s happy about it too.

 **Need a Light:** …Edward.

 **Need a Light:** When I saw you in the hospital after that crash, I didn’t see someone that was dead inside.

 **Need a Light:** I saw a boy that had a fire and determination in him, that wanted to give God the middle finger for trying to strike him down.

 **Need a Light:** Your declaration of trying to recover from automail surgery in a year is proof enough of that, and you continued to prove that since we took you in.

 **Need a Light:** And for the record, I was awake. Guess we both have a tendency for sappy stuff at 3am.

 **Need a Light:** Thank you for telling me.

 **Fullmetal:** You’re still a bastard sometimes though.

 **Need a Light:** And you’re still a shortstack with a temper issue, so it all balances out.

 **Fullmetal:** OKAY LISTEN HERE YOU FUCK

 **Need a Light:** Careful, you’ll wake Riza.


	8. Hard Rock Hallelujah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Brother No: Al  
> Gearhead: Winry  
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Fullmetal:** So I was re-watching an episode of Yugioh Abridged last night.

**Gearhead:** That’s a blast from the past. Which one?

**Fullmetal:** Card games on motorcycles.

**Hoodie Ninja:** Oh no.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Lan Fan.

**Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** I came.

**Hoodie Ninja:** _YOUNG LORD_

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** To this chat.

**Hoodie Ninja:** Oh.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** To give you a message.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** _CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!_

**Fullmetal:** _CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES?!_

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** _CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!_

**Fullmetal:** _HEY_ @Brother No _, DID YOU HEAR THAT?! CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!_

**Brother No:** _CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES?!_

**Fullmetal:** _CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!_

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Join us, Lan Fan, and become one with the motorcycle!

**Hoodie Ninja:** I would prefer not to.

**Gearhead:** So was there anything to this other than the motorcycles, or…

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** What more do you need than card games on motorcycles?

**Fullmetal:** The part with Yusei talking about being in a band actually got me thinking about us starting a rock band. Like, what instruments would we take.

**Fullmetal:** I figured I’d be best off as lead guitarist.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Not lead vocalist?

**Fullmetal:** Nah. I mean, I can make a decent backup singer if we wanted, but I like lead guitarist more.

**Brother No:** If brother is taking the lead guitar, then it feels only right to be the bass.

**Gearhead:** I’ve got a little experience with percussion.

**Fullmetal:** That’s a nice way of saying “I use Ed’s head as a musical instrument played by a wrench”

**Gearhead:** I wouldn’t get so much practice if you could keep your arm intact for longer than three months.

**Hoodie Ninja:** I am… passable as a keyboardist. The young lord would make an excellent vocalist.

**Gearhead:** Ling can sing?

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** It’s nothing to write home about, really…

**Hoodie Ninja:** Your singing is quite enjoyable to listen to.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Lan Fan, please. I’m not that good.

**Fullmetal:** Okay now this I gotta hear.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** If I’m singing, Lan Fan, then so are you.

**Hoodie Ninja:** ……

**Gearhead:** You could do a duet, maybe?

**Brother No:**

**Hoodie Ninja:** …I accept this compromise.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** FUCK

* * *

**Gearhead:** Wow. That was something, alright.

**Fullmetal:** Yeah, wow.

**Brother No:** That was beautiful. If we ever start a band, you two are definitely the main singers.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** …Really?

**Fullmetal:** Hell yeah, it’s better than any of us can do. You didn’t get some pro training back in Xing or something, did you?

**Hoodie Ninja:** It wasn’t one of our subjects, no. But it is good to hear that my opinion of the young lord’s voice is shared. I wish I could hear it more often.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** …Thanks. Maybe you will.


	9. Ice Cream Fixes Everything, Including a Broken Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> User Names:
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Brother No: Al  
> Gearhead: Winry  
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Brother No:** It’s not every day that you manage to piss someone off without even meeting them before.

 **Brother No:** But brother managed to pull it off. I wish I could say I was surprised.

 **Fullmetal:** Fuckin’ rude

 **Gearhead:** What did Ed do?

 **Fullmetal:** I honestly have no goddamn idea.

 **Fullmetal:** I think I caught “toying with the feelings of a young maiden” in there while she was angry cry-ranting at me. I just stood there being very confused for what felt like half an hour waiting for her to stop.

 **Brother No:** It only took five minutes. She had some great lungs for a pre-teen though.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Wait, pre-teen?

 **Brother No:** Yeah. Or like, really early teens. She was shorter than Ed, and that’s saying something.

 **Fullmetal:** I just came here to have a good time and I’m feeling so attacked right now

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Sounds like this girl had heard about you in passing and built a bit of a fantasy. Only to have it shattered when they met you in person.

 **Fullmetal:** Well damn, what am I supposed to do about that?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Not a lot you can do, really. Just manage it as best you can.

 **Gearhead:** Speaking from experience, Ling?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** No comment.

 **Brother No:** We did manage to calm her down, eventually. Mostly by me offering ice cream as compensation.

 **Gearhead:** Ice cream does fix a lot of problems.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Can confirm. The extra exercise to burn it off is worth it.

 **Fullmetal:** Oh, it gets better.

 **Fullmetal:** By the end of it, not only were Al and shouty girl getting along like a house on fire, I’m pretty sure I caught them exchanging chat account details.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Oho! Al, any comment?

 **Brother No:** Can I exercise the right against self-incrimination?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I’ll take that as a confirmation!

 **Brother No:** Kill me now.


	10. Twenty One Fanfic Pilots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, for those of you that are confused - yes, there was a Chapter 10 that I posted earlier today, only to take it down because I realised it was shit. Frankly it was a big mess, and I decided to take a different approach. This was the result.
> 
> User Names:
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Brother No: Al  
> Gearhead: Winry  
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Direct Message (@Fresh Prince of Xing)**

**Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** What’s up, Lan Fan?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** You have said in the past that you wanted me to watch some of the shows that you like.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Considering our current situation, I believe I have time at last.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** I would be interested in the one about the heroic teenagers.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** …You’re going to have to be a little more specific.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Hero… high school? The protagonist cries a lot?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Hero Academia?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** That was it.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Lan Fan, you won’t believe how long I’ve been waiting to say this:

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I AM HERE!

 **Hoodie Ninja:** I assume that will make sense later?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Yeah

* * *

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, GATHER ROUND! I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE!

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord, you can’t see it but I’m sighing. Heavily.

 **Brother No:** Announcement?

 **Gearhead:** Did somebody break something?

 **Fullmetal:** Sounds like Ling being overdramatic. Again.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Hello Kettle, I’m Pot. You’re black.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Anyway, Lan Fan has decided to watch Hero Academia for the first time.

 **Fullmetal:** Seriously?

 **Fullmetal:** How did you miss one of the most popular anime out there?

 **Brother No:** Brother, not everyone is a nerd like us.

 **Fullmetal:** BETRAYED AT EVERY TURN

 **Hoodie Ninja:** For the record, it wasn’t out of lack of desire – the Young Lord often encouraged me to watch shows with him – but the situation until now meant my time was limited, and it fell by the wayside.

 **Gearhead:** We should all watch (or rewatch) it together. Marathon slumber party?

 **Fullmetal:** Sure. Roy and Riza have been wanting to meet you for a while anyway. Might be a tight fit in the apartment with all seven of us.

 **Brother No:** I’ll ask if you can come tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. Consider this a pilot piece of sorts for a new fanfic I intend to write, where the primary cast of Up in the Air watches episodes of anime - Hero Academia for now, but they might branch out as time goes on. I started out wanting to do all of it here, but I realised I just couldn't do what I wanted justice in the space of a single chapter, and spreading it out would choke all of the other things I want this story to do out. So this is my compromise.
> 
> Future chapters will still be of the same general style of what you've seen previously, but there are plot forces at work in the background...


	11. Pot of Greed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> User Names:
> 
> Buy Me Dinner First: Lust  
> What's Yours Is Mine: Greed

**Direct Message (@Buy Me Dinner First)**

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** Fuck this babysitting crap, I quit. Can I move back in with you?

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** What did they do this time?

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Dolcetto tripped and soaked Martel full of booze on a thin and light-coloured tank top during a busy night. Martel claims it was on purpose, Dolcetto swears it was an accident, and of course the other two take sides. Forcing me to play peacemaker. So you know what, fuck it.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** …You know.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** For a moment, I would have almost believed you if this wasn’t the tenth time you’ve said something like that.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** I have never told a lie in my life.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** True, but you do know how to hide appreciation under a mountain of sarcasm.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Besides, if you actually wanted to leave them, you would have shown up at my house unannounced and acted like Father wouldn’t kill you the second Pride told him about it.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Nah, he wouldn’t do that. He’d spend two hours telling me what a bad little boy I’ve been first.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** You’re incorrigible.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** And yet you love me anyway.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** I’m your sister. It’s only by obligation.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Ouch.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** …How are the others?

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Well enough. Envy’s finally stopped talking about how he’ll “tear you limb from limb when you come crawling back.”

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Please. As if that one-eyed freak could hold his own against me. They're no Wrath.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Are you _ever_ going to say something to them that’s not a threat or an insult?

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Only once they get an actually decent fashion sense.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** I seem to recall a phrase about stones in glass houses…

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Well, fuck you too.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** I’d rather not.


	12. Happiness Overload

**Fullmetal:** Can someone come over and kill me real quick

 **Fullmetal:** Al is approaching Hughes-level obnoxious. Make it stop.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Hughes? The name rings a bell…

 **Fullmetal:** Cop Markiplier

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Oh.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I like him.

 **Fullmetal:** Of course you do.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Back to the original topic, any preference on the method of your death?

 **Gearhead:** Also why is Al so happy anyway

 **Fullmetal:** Why do you think? Ice cream girl is all he ever talks about now

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I sense a crush. Do you sense it, Lan Fan?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Yes.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I see no denials from the accused.

 **Fullmetal:** Because he’s busy talking with ice cream girl and he hasn’t noticed.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** The evidence mounts!

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** So, when do we get to meet this lovely person that has stolen our dearest Alphonse’s heart?

 **Fullmetal:** …Al says she’s not too far away from here, we could all go get a coffee or something?

 **Gearhead:** Sounds good. I’m kinda wanting to meet this girl too.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Then we’re agreed! Lan Fan, you wanna come?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Of course, young lord.

* * *

**Direct Message (@Fresh Prince of Xing)**

**Hoodie Ninja:** Hm.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** What is it?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** …A trick of the senses. I thought I felt a tinge of foreboding.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** A tinge may be all the warning you get. Be on your guard.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** I always am, young lord.

* * *

_**Some time later...** _

**Direct Message (@Fresh Prince of Xing)**

**Fullmetal:** Ling, I’d like to think of you as a friend

 **Fullmetal:** But _what in the everliving fuck?_


	13. A Diplomatic Mission to Amestris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Xiao Mei: Mei  
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Direct Message (@Fresh Prince of Xing)**

**Xiao Mei:** Brother.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Sister. I’m surprised to see you strayed so far from Xing – a tiny clan like yours needs to keep its power consolidated.

**Xiao Mei:** I could say the same of you – afraid of what might have happened if you stayed?

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Merely seeking a path that couldn’t be followed in the homelands. Though I must say, the lack of competition is a nice bonus.

**Xiao Mei:** _Was_ a nice bonus. Besides, the size of my clan has its own benefits – everyone else stops taking notice of you.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Why are you really messaging me, Mei? If you just want to swap threats and posture, I would be happy to meet you in a park.

**Xiao Mei:** …

**Xiao Mei:** What is your business with the Amestrians?

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Friends and nothing more. Mutual friends, it seems. How are they?

**Xiao Mei:** Angry, confused, and all of them wanting an explanation.

**Xiao Mei:** My ear drums will need a funeral.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Ah, so you’ve met Edward Elric.

**Xiao Mei:** How much do they know?

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Nothing. Informing them of the situation was something I had hoped to avoid until it was no longer an issue.

**Xiao Mei:** A disappointment we share, I suppose.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** …I propose a truce.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** I stay out of your way, you stay out of my way. We explain the situation to our mutual friends, and let them decide what to do for themselves. I doubt any of them will let us rest until we give them answers.

**Xiao Mei:** …Very well.

* * *

**Direct Message (@Fresh Prince of Xing)**

**Hoodie Ninja:** …Are you certain this is the wisest move, young lord?

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Maybe. Maybe not. I have been known to live dangerously.

**Hoodie Ninja:** Your words, not mine.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** It’s a calculated risk, Lan Fan. I won’t kill a sibling unless she strikes first, and now she has less reason to try.

**Hoodie Ninja:** Considering how long it takes you to complete math work, that does not inspire confidence.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** That’s not a lack of skill, that’s just hatred of math.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** …Maybe, once this is all over, I’ll get to know her as a sister, not a rival.


	14. Misfortune Cookies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Mastress Of Disguise: Envy  
> Better Than You: Pride  
> Buy Me Dinner First: Lust

**Mastress Of Disguise:** something just occurred to me

 **Better Than You:** That’s a first.

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** first of all fuck you

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** second, fortune cookies are absolute fuckin bullshit

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** ‘If you kill a killer, the number of killers remains the same’

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** bitch you don’t know me what if I killed two killers

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** what if I was a serial killer of killers

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** ‘You will soon receive good news from a friend’

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** bold of you to imply I have friends, random ass piece of paper

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Of course. You only have family and mortal enemies. Like the toaster.

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** fuck you that toaster was evil, putting it out of its misery was a service to all mankind

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Since when did you care about service to mankind?

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** since the toaster annoyed me

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** but seriously, the existence of fortune cookies is a scam in and of itself

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** How long have you been out, anyway?

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** like four hours

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** save me from this hell

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** I’m free at the moment, I’ll make a house call.

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** thank god

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** watching humans is so disgusting

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** I was this close to murder

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** You’re always this close to murder.

 **Mastress Of Disguise:** …closer


	15. Last Heir Standing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Brother No: Al  
> Gearhead: Winry  
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Fullmetal:** So

 **Fullmetal:** Just to make sure I have this right

 **Fullmetal:** Ling is not only actually honest-to-Truth nobility of a foreign country with Lan Fan as his friend/bodyguard, but also caught up in a fifty-way battle royale to see who gets to be the next Emperor

 **Fullmetal:** Meanwhile, ice cream girl is actually Ling’s half-sister, one of the other contestants in this fifty-way shitfest, and by the time any of us realised it they were both our friends

 **Fullmetal:** Which makes it super awkward when they find out by meeting and automatically trying to kill each other, leaving the rest of us super confused

 **Fullmetal:** Did I miss anything?

 **Gearhead:** …Nope, think that covers it

 **Hoodie Ninja:** An accurate explanation, albeit simplified.

 **Fullmetal:** _What even is my life_

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Forty-three

 **Gearhead:** ?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** There are forty-three contestants for the throne

 **Gearhead:** Didn’t you say there were fifty clans?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** ‘Battle royale’ isn’t far from the truth

 **Gearhead:** You mean- oh _god_

 **Brother No:** But why come to Amestris, if everyone is fighting over Xing’s succession?

 **Fullmetal:** Figured the grass was greener without the blood of their enemies staining it

 **Gearhead:** _**ED.**_

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** …

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** They deserve to know

 **Fullmetal:** Oh, this I gotta see

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** How much do you know of the Philosopher’s Stone?


	16. You’ve Kept That Lovin’ Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a side-note, this chapter is meant to be read as happening around the same time as the previous one, which is partly why Al isn't very present there.
> 
> Usernames:
> 
> Brother No: Al  
> Xiao Mei: Mei

**Direct Message (@Brother No)**

**Xiao Mei:** …I understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore.

 **Brother No:** What? No!

 **Brother No:** That’s not it at all.

 **Brother No:** Sorry if it feels like I’ve been ignoring you since yesterday. It’s just…

 **Brother No:** I think I’m still trying to process all this. How are you supposed to react to finding out your new friends are actually nobility of a foreign country and trying to win a high-stakes game of musical chairs? It isn’t exactly something that happens every day.

 **Brother No:** Even by our standards this is a little out there, and Ed and Winry are just as confused as I am.

 **Xiao Mei:** I can’t help but feel like some of this is my fault.

 **Brother No:** What?

 **Xiao Mei:** If I’d known Ling was following the same thought as me…

 **Brother No:** Mei, I don’t think anybody could have seen that coming. Even if you did know Ling came to Amestris like you, who could have thought the both of you would befriend the exact same people?

 **Brother No:** It’s not anyone’s fault. A twist of fate, dumb luck, whatever you want to call it. You take it as it comes and do your best to move on.

 **Xiao Mei:** …Thanks. You’re a good person, Alphonse.

 **Brother No:** You’re not so bad yourself, Mei.

 **Brother No:** If you still want to be friends, I’d be happy to try and make it work. But I want to try and stay friends with Ling and Lan Fan too.

 **Xiao Mei:** I understand. I’m still sorry about this…

 **Brother No:** Don’t be. If I had to apologise for every awkward situation that had nobody to blame, I’m not sure if I’d ever stop.

 **Xiao Mei:** Heh, thanks. And as for the being friends thing… yes, I think I’d like to try it too.

 **Brother No:** You’re welcome. I’m happy to hear it.


	17. Nobody Speaks For Drunk Roy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Need a Light: Roy  
> Fuck You Marvel: Riza  
> Dad Jokes: Hughes  
> Cry Havoc: Havoc  
> Fatgum: Breda  
> Hackerman: Fuery  
> Zoom and Enhance: Falman

**Fatgum:** I can’t believe Detective Hughes is fucking dead.

 **Hackerman:** What happened?

 **Fatgum:** Dunno, but I can hear him from inside his office and that laugh does not sound healthy.

 **Fuck You Marvel:** Roy probably killed him.

 **Need a Light:** I don’t want to talk about it.

 **Cry Havoc:** Wait why is Hawkeye accusing Roy of murder

 **Need a Light:** I don’t want to talk about it.

 **Dad Jokes:** Because Roy-boy decided to tell me that he was thinking about growing a mustache.

 **Fuck You Marvel:** I’m adding four counts of murder to that list of charges.

 **Need a Light:** Why does everyone think it’s so funny?!

 **Dad Jokes:** Because imagining you with any kind of facial hair is ridiculous.

 **Fuck You Marvel:** If you grow a mustache I will severely question my life choices.

 **Need a Light:** How do you know it’s a bad idea? Nobody’s even seen it yet!

 **Zoom and Enhance:** We don’t need to, sir.

 **Hackerman:** The only person I can imagine looking worse with facial hair is me. But I own it.

 **Fatgum:** Someone please stop him

 **Fuck You Marvel:** Maes, I’m sure there are many stories you can threaten him with.

 **Dad Jokes:** Well…

 **Dad Jokes:** …In this case, I’m not threatening.

 **Need a Light:** Thank you.

 **Dad Jokes:** Buckle up, kids, it’s story time.

 **Need a Light:** FUCK

 **Hackerman:** Give us the dirt!

 **Dad Jokes:** Imagine back to the days of yonder, I think it was a few days after I turned 19.

 **Need a Light:** _oh no_

 **Dad Jokes:** Roy-boy and I had gone out for a couple of drinks that night with the intent of getting slightly buzzed, maybe singing a couple of drunk songs and calling it a night in a taxi on the way home.

 **Dad Jokes:** Trouble was, that night someone decided to try a drinking contest and was challenging anyone that would care to take him up on it.

 **Dad Jokes:** You can probably see where this is heading.

 **Dad Jokes:** Anyway, Roy decides “Fuck it, I needed to wake up with a smith’s anvil in my head tomorrow anyway” and accepts.

 **Dad Jokes:** Far too many drinks later, everyone was passed out on the floor after Roy had puked on the waitress.

 **Dad Jokes:** Gracia took it in good stride, at least. She did give him hell the next day though.

 **Cry Havoc:** WHAT

 **Fatgum:** _Gracia?_

 **Hackerman:** ;asjlgbn

 **Dad Jokes:** Yep, that’s a fine example of Roy’s A+ wingman technique.

 **Fuck You Marvel:** Pffft

 **Hackerman:** HAHAHAHAHA

 **Cry Havoc:** ‘Barfing on your friend’s target – works every time’

 **Need a Light:** …Fine. The face stays clean, if only so I don’t have to endure this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, there's the obligatory chapter where we acknowledge and then quickly shoot down Roy's mustache idea. A fountain of mockery and entertainment for some time to come, but also a good source of blackmail material. And Hughes can sure deliver.


	18. Alphonse.exe Has Encountered An Error

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> User Names
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Brother No: Al  
> Gearhead: Winry  
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan  
> Xiao Mei: Mei
> 
> Note: Mei has been aged up a bit in this fic, from 10-11 to about 15, while the others have similarly gone from 15 (14 in Al's case) to 17 (16). She's still super-tiny though which is why she gets mistaken for younger by Al in Chapter 9.
> 
> She attends a different school from the others (For now, at least), which is why they didn't encounter each other at orientation.

**Brother No** added **Xiao Mei** to the chat

**Brother No:** Everyone say hi to Mei Chang. Please don’t kill each other, Riza specifically instructed me to have a good day this morning and I don’t want to disappoint her.

 **Fullmetal:** Sup ice cream girl

 **Gearhead:** Hey there Mei! Sorry about getting off on the wrong foot…

 **Fullmetal:** That’s an understatement

 **Gearhead:** Ed hush

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Hello sister

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Greetings, Ms Chang.

 **Xiao Mei:** Hi everyone! Sorry I couldn’t be introduced in a… less awkward way

 **Fullmetal:** At this point, whenever weird shit happens in my life, I’m not sure whether to be surprised or disappointed that I’m not surprised.

 **Fullmetal:** So really it’s par for the course.

 **Xiao Mei:** Really? I thought all the weirdness would go right over your head.

 **Fullmetal:** WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT A FLY WOULD BE TALLER?!

 **Gearhead:** Oh I like you

 **Brother No:** Seems you’ll fit in just fine

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** So, Al. It would appear that you have quite an affection for my sister. Will I be needing to give some shovel talks at some point in the near future?

 **Xiao Mei:** YAO!

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord…

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I’m _kidding!_

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Mostly

 **Fullmetal:** AlphonseHasStoppedWorking.jpg

 **Fullmetal:** You owe me a new brother, idiot prince.


	19. If Found, Please Return To Lan Fan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> User Names
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Brother No: Al  
> Gearhead: Winry  
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan  
> Xiao Mei: Mei

**Fullmetal:** So hey. Uh. Not that I’m concerned or anything, but… anyone seen Ling?

 **Gearhead:** Not since last class. Why?

 **Fullmetal:** Because he was supposed to be in this class with me and he hasn’t shown up yet.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I’m fine

 **Brother No:** Did something happen?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I’m fine

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord…

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I swear I’m fine

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Though I don’t think I’ll make that class

 **Hoodie Ninja:** I’m making my excuses. Where are you?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Lan Fan…

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** …Fine, I’ll PM you.

* * *

 **Hoodie Ninja:** …Young Lord.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** What are you doing with your arm stuck in a vending machine?

 **Gearhead:** LMAO

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** …

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** My best

 **Fullmetal:** I just choked on air so thanks for that

 **Brother No:** Ling – “I am a proud member of a Xingese noble family and I plan to one day be emperor of an entire country”

 **Brother No:** Also Ling – “help arm stuck”

 **Xiao Mei:** _HA_

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Lan Fan help I’m being attacked

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Then perish.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** _BETRAYED BY MY OWN BODYGUARD_

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Can you help me get my arm out now

 **Hoodie Ninja:** *sigh*

 **Fullmetal:** Did you literally just type out ‘sigh’

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Yes. Your point?

 **Fullmetal:** Understandable have a nice day

 **Hoodie Ninja:** That arm isn’t coming out unless I break the machine, break an arm, or find a janitor.

 **Fullmetal:** I happen to know someone that builds amazing replacement limbs.

 **Gearhead:** Ed no

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I’ll keep that in mind


	20. The Law and Order of Equivalent Exchange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Brother No: Al  
> Fuck You Marvel: Hawkeye  
> Need a Light: Mustang

**_Fuck You Marvel_ ** _added **Need a Light** , **Fullmetal** and **Brother No** to the chat._

**Fuck You Marvel:** …Would someone care to explain why there is a transmutation circle covering almost the entire floor?

 **Brother No:** Brother…

 **Fullmetal:** ME?

 **Fullmetal:** I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW I WAS DUELLING LING IN SMASH BROS ALL MORNING

 **Fuck You Marvel:** That would explain the yelling in the bedroom, but that doesn’t answer my question.

 **Brother No:** Wasn’t me.

 **Need a Light:** …

 **Need a Light:** …In my defence, it was for work-related purposes

 **Need a Light:** It was a replica of a circle we found at a crime scene and I thought it would help me figure out what it did

 **Fuck You Marvel:** Has it?

 **Need a Light:** …Not yet

 **Fullmetal:** HA

 **Brother No:** Why would you even need a transmutation circle big enough to cover a room?

 **Need a Light:** That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out for the past three hours.

 **Brother No:** …Would you like some help?

 **Need a Light:** I need a coffee. If you boys want to take a look, I wouldn’t mind.

 **Brother No:** Sure!

 **Fullmetal:** Guess I’ll do your job for you, then.

 **Brother No:** Brother…

* * *

**Direct Message (@Need a Light)**

**Fuck You Marvel:** …I’m not saying that it was a bad decision.

 **Fuck You Marvel:** But most investigators would try to keep their children away from a quintuple homicide.

 **Need a Light:** Most investigators don’t have alchemical prodigies for children.

 **Fuck You Marvel:** Roy…

 **Need a Light:** We’ve been trying to crack that circle for weeks and nobody can make a dent. You know I wouldn’t do this unless I felt I had to.

 **Fuck You Marvel:** …No more details than absolutely necessary. They carry enough scars without us adding to them.

 **Need a Light:** I’m well aware. It’s a shot in the dark anyway, but if anyone can catch what we missed…

 **Fuck You Marvel:** I know.


	21. All For Me

**Mastress Of Disguise:** MOTHERFUCKER

**Better Than You:** I have fucked no mothers.

**Mastress Of Disguise:** not you asshole

**Mastress Of Disguise:** one of my BNHA volumes is missing

**Mastress Of Disguise:** …Pride you fuck did you take a volume

**Better Than You:** Please. As if I would be interested in your juvenile literature.

**Better Than You:** I uploaded my critique of it a month ago.

**Mastress Of Disguise:** Pride you literally ask to read everything i get when im done with it

**Mastress Of Disguise:** if that isnt interest i dont know what is

**Better Than You:** Purely for academic purposes. I still don’t understand what makes you like Bakugou so much. Is it the temper?

**Mastress Of Disguise:** DIE

**Better Than You:** Definitely the temper.

**Mastress Of Disguise:** FUCK YOU

**Better Than You:** Not interested.

**Buy Me Dinner First:** When was the last time you had the volume, Envy?

**Mastress Of Disguise:** whats it to you

**Buy Me Dinner First:** Just trying to help you remember where it might be

**Mastress Of Disguise:** went straight on the shelf after Pride gave it back two months ago

**Buy Me Dinner First:** …

**Mastress Of Disguise:** what

* * *

**Direct Message (@What’s Yours Is Mine)**

**Buy Me Dinner First:** Greed.

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** Sister! To what do I owe this rare treat?

**Buy Me Dinner First:** Do you have an extra volume of that hero manga you like lying around?

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** Hah?

**Buy Me Dinner First:** Because Envy just noticed that one of theirs is missing. You couldn’t possibly know where it is, could you?

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** Are you implying that I would take something of Envy’s for my own use even though I already have one of my own? And how would you come to this libellous conclusion

**Buy Me Dinner First:** Yes, and the last fifty years of knowing you.

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** Okay yeah I totally did

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** I’ve been gone two months and they only noticed now?

**Buy Me Dinner First:** And they will be tearing the lair apart looking until they find it.

**Buy Me Dinner First:** You do realise that you’ll need to give it back, right?

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** Bold of you to assume I’m going near that fucked up place ever again

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** Can’t you just buy them a new one or something

**Buy Me Dinner First:** You can either return the one you have, or I can tell Envy you have it.

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** You wouldn’t

**Buy Me Dinner First:** You don’t have to deal with their whining. _Try me._

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** …

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** I’ll send one of the boys out to meet you. Don’t say I never did anything for you.

**Buy Me Dinner First:** Wouldn’t dream of it.


	22. Murder, They Transmuted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Brother No: Al  
> Gearhead: Winry  
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan  
> Xiao Mei: Mei Chang
> 
> Need a Light: Mustang

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Does Ed seem… off to anyone else?

**Fullmetal:** mfn jst wrkng

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Like that?

**Gearhead:** Huh

**Gearhead:** Been a while since he was like this

**Hoodie Ninja:** The implication that this has happened before is both intriguing and concerning.

**Brother No:** Sounds like an accurate description of our lives.

**Gearhead:** What’s he caught on this time?

**Brother No:** Roy was trying to decipher a transmutation circle from a crime scene and we offered to help. Brother… well, he gets competitive, especially with Roy.

**Brother No:** I’m pretty sure he hasn’t slept since he started.

**Fullmetal:** hd 3 hr lng nap lst nit

**Xiao Mei:** So… when _did_ this start?

**Brother No:** Tuesday.

**Xiao Mei:** But it’s Friday?

**Brother No:** Yeah.

**Gearhead:** You’re telling me he’s slept for just three hours in _THREE DAYS?!_

**Brother No:** Winry, you know what he gets like!

**Brother No:** The only reason he got that much was because Riza said he had to!

**Hoodie Ninja:** Forget what I said before. Now I’m just horrified.

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Same

**Xiao** **Mei:** Same

**Gearhead:** I’m coming up there. @Fullmetal if you’re not asleep by the time I get there I have a wrench with your name on it.

**Fullmetal:** win no

**Brother No:** Please. Make sure it knocks him unconscious.

**Gearhead:** WIN YES, ALCHEMY FREAK

**Fullmetal:** autmal frk

**Gearhead:** YOUR ASS IS GETTING KICKED SO BAD YOUR SOUL WILL FEEL IT

**Brother No:** …

**Brother No:** Winry, you’re a genius.

**Brother No:** You can deal with Brother, I need to search through some of Dad’s old books.

* * *

**Direct Message (@Need a Light)**

**Brother No:** Where did you find that circle?

**Need a Light:** A crime scene.

**Brother No:** What kind of crime scene?

**Need a Light:** Al…

**Brother No:** Roy. I may not have lost limbs like my brother did, but I’m not naïve.

**Brother No:** What were you investigating when you found it?

**Need a Light:** …

**Need a Light:** Murder.

**Brother No:** How many victims?

**Need a Light:** Five. All at once.

**Brother No:** …

**Brother No:** I think we found their murder weapon.


	23. Inequivalent Exchange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Fuck You Marvel: Hawkeye  
> Gearhead: Winry  
> Brother No: Al
> 
> Decided to take a dip into a more traditional writing style for this chapter since I figured it fit the tone I wanted to set with it better, let me know if you want to see more of this or prefer a pure chatfic style.

**Direct Message (@Gearhead)**

**Fuck You Marvel:** Hello. Is this Winry Rockbell?

**Gearhead:** Speaking

**Gearhead:** Who is this?

**Fuck You Marvel:** Riza Hawkeye. Alphonse gave me your details.

**Gearhead:** Oh! Um, hi. What can I do for you?

**Fuck You Marvel:** …I need your help. Edward has become rather despondent since he woke up and spoke with Alphonse early this morning, and none of us can seem to get through to him. Would you mind coming over?

**Gearhead:** Of course not!

**Gearhead:** Be there in a few minutes

**Fuck You Marvel:** Thank you.

* * *

**Direct Message (@Brother No)**

**Gearhead:** I’m coming to you. What happened?

**Brother No:** I’m not sure. We were talking about the transmutation circle did and he just… closed up. He wants me to stay but he’s not talking. The last time he was this bad was after… you know.

**Gearhead:** Okay. Deep breaths, Al. I’ll be there soon.

* * *

Winry knew she was hurrying, walking as fast as she dared without breaking into a run. Relative distance was always something they had lacked – their houses had been neighbours in Resembool (or at least as close as you could get to neighbours in a spread-out farming village), the three of them had sat in front of and behind each other in school (with Winry often playing note-passer between the brothers as they tried to covertly swap alchemy ideas in class), and now this.

When the Elrics moved to Central with Roy and Riza, Granny decided to follow them – ‘someone has to keep an eye on those two troublemakers when their parents can’t’, she had reasoned. Winry hadn’t given any protest – it would be better for Ed to see a mechanic he already knew for his automail, and having to take a trip every time it needed more than basic maintenance would have been a lot of hassle. It had been pure luck that their residences were so close together, but it was something she was thankful for now. Automail tune-ups could usually take their time, but things like this…

Winry shook her head to clear it as she reached the right door. Knocking twice in a firm rhythm, it opened almost instantly – had Miss Hawkeye been standing and waiting there the whole time?

“Ah, Winry. Thank you for coming on such short notice.” Hawkeye said, a small but warm smile gracing her features even as her shoulders sagged in relief.

“It’s no problem, Miss Hawkeye,” Winry replied, “I’m a little ahead on my work, so I can afford to take a break.”

She neglected to mention that ‘taking a break’ now probably meant another all-nighter later. Miss Hawkeye had enough to worry about.

“How long has it been?” she asked, brushing a few stray hairs out of her face.

“About half an hour,” a male voice answered from a nearby couch, Winry turning her head to find the face of Roy Mustang attached to it. “They’re in their bedroom.”

Winry made her way into the short hallway that separated the bedrooms and bathroom from the communal living area. The two brothers, she knew, had taken to sleeping in a shared room ever since the crash that had changed their lives. Al hadn’t even been in the car when it happened… which was probably why she remembered him insisting on it as much as Ed.

Lightly tapping on the door with a knuckle, Winry was relieved herself when the door opened a smidge, an eye looking through the gap at about her height. After seeing what the figure wanted to see, the door opened further, revealing a slightly tired but relieved Al.

“Oh, thank God,” he said a hushed but joking tone. “I thought I’d never make it out alive.” A grin crossed his face, before disappearing beneath the waves of worry. “…Thanks for coming,” he said, after a few moments.

“You know I’d drop everything for you two,” Winry responded caringly, “Don’t worry about it. I’m here now.”

“Al?” a familiar voice called faintly, drawing the attention of the two.

“I’m not going anywhere, brother,” Al said reassuringly, “I just brought in a little help.” Winry took that as her cue to enter the room, allowing her to get a proper look at the reason she was here.

She had to stifle a gasp – Al had not been kidding when he’d mentioned how bad Ed looked in his messages. While he appeared physically fine as he lay on his bed, his posture was incredibly drained – like someone had sucked the life force out of him, leaving a frail husk of the 5-foot-tall pile of ‘FUCKING FIGHT ME’ she knew behind.

“Win…” Ed groaned, scowling as his head turning to look at the wall he was situated next to. “Leave me alone… Got some sleep…”

“Oh, you remember that?” Winry teased as she slowly approached the bed. “How much?”

“Sixteen hours, once he got there,” Al supplied.

“So at least you made up for it…” she said as she nodded her acknowledgement – that wasn’t unusual, considering the last time he had gone on what Winry internally described as an ‘alchemy bender’; long periods of uninterrupted wakefulness, followed by a crash of equal measure. “But you and I both know that’s not why I’m here.” she continued, deciding to get to the point as she sat down next to the empty teenager. Even if he didn’t open up, she was happy to just be a comforting presence for as long as it took until Ed felt better.

A warm but tense silence descended, for a single moment that seemed to stretch into eternity. In the corner of Winry’s vision, she saw Al as he moved to sit on his own bed across from the two of them, and each of them waited for someone else to blink first. In the end, it was Ed that broke the stalemate.

“…Did either of you know…” he started, haltingly, “…I thought about… trying to… bring mom back?”

Winry’s hand shot to her mouth as Al gasped nearby. Ed looked back to the wall, ashamed. “I know, it’s stupid, but… physically, it’s not that hard. Human bodies can be made pretty cheap. I just… wanted to see her smile again.”

“Brother…” Al started, but Ed beat him to it. He was rambling now, a stream of consciousness that had to flow lest it be forever dammed up again.

“But if human bodies are so cheap, then why have there been no reported successful cases of transmuting one? It should be easy, but if anyone had ever tried it, something was always missing… I stopped seriously thinking about it after Roy and Riza, but… I never did manage to answer that question. Nobody has, for centuries. But after we figured out that damned circle, I think I finally realised that transmuting a human into life is impossible…” He paused briefly, his brain finally getting a chance to catch up with his mouth.

“After all, what equivalent is there to a human soul?"


	24. Was That The Primary Buffer Array?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> Need a Light: Mustang  
> Cry Havoc: Havoc  
> Dad Jokes: Hughes  
> Zoom and Enhance: Falman  
> Hackerman: Fuery  
> Fatgum: Breda
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan  
> Xiao Mei: Mei

**Need a Light:** So. Our case just got a lot more interesting.

**Cry Havoc:** Define ‘interesting’…

**Dad Jokes:** “Oh god, oh god, we’re all gonna die”?

**Need a Light:** Not that interesting.

**Dad Jokes:** Thank god. As the funny one, I’d die first to make a point and I can’t let that happen

**Need a Light:** More to the point, our consultants came through.

**Zoom and Enhance:** I knew it. @Hackerman, you owe me 20.

**Hackerman:** Oh boy would you look at the time I have so much work to do

**Need a Light:** Settle your bets when you clock out.

**Need a Light:** Our killer is either a highly skilled alchemist or working with one. The transmutation circle we found on the scene is confirmed to be the murder weapon. The victims appear to be the remains of an attempt to create a philosopher’s stone.

**Dad Jokes:** Great, more alchemy freakshow stuff. Aren’t philosopher’s stones supposed to be a myth?

**Need a Light:** Real enough in someone’s mind to kill five people trying.

**Cry Havoc:** Trying?

**Need a Light:** The consultants weren’t entirely certain of what would actually happen to the energy collected from the victims once the circle activated, and for obvious reasons they were unwilling to attempt to replicate it for themselves. However, they are certain that the use of humans was intentional, and in all likelihood the suspect or suspects knew they would not survive the experience.

**Need a Light:** Falman, I need a list of all known alchemists based in Central. Run all of them against the samples we collected, see if they get a hit.

**Zoom and Enhance:** Yes, sir.

**Need a Light:** Breda, Havoc, you’re on door knocking detail. Take a second round of all the residents nearby the crime scene; maybe mention of an alchemist will jog their memory.

**Cry Havoc:** Aw, man...

**Fatgum:** Come on, Havoc, the walking will do you some good.

**Need a Light:** Hughes...

**Dad Jokes:** Hm?

**Need a Light:** I still feel like we’re missing something. A connection between the victims, maybe…

**Dad Jokes:** I’ll look into it.

**Need a Light:** Riza, see if you can find an Izumi Curtis in the system somewhere. If not, we may have to pay a visit.

**Fuck You Marvel:** You think she might be involved?

**Need a Light:** She’ll need to be eliminated from the scene. Can’t hurt to double-check.

**Fuck You Marvel:** Of course.

**Need a Light:** Fuery, I need you to keep an eye on the news reports, and start looking back through recent events as well. Any reports of alchemists or others doing or claiming things that seem like a miracle, I want to know about it.

**Hackerman:** You got it, boss!

**Dad Jokes:** All this hard work. What will you be doing, Roy?

**Need a Light:** Dad duty. The boys and their friends are having a… discussion about what they found. The strangeness of this case grows by the day.

* * *

**Fullmetal:** @Fresh Prince of Xing @Hoodie Ninja @Xiao Mei

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Ah, he speaks!

**Fullmetal:** Alright fuckers, listen up

**Fullmetal:** Anyone got any plans for today?

**Fullmetal:** Too bad, cancel them

**Fullmetal:** Because all of us need to have a talk

**Fullmetal:** It’s about your stone


	25. A Rolling Philosopher's Stone Gathers No Souls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> You thought you were getting a chatfic - but it was ME! PROSE!

“You do realise that I can’t be held responsible for the landlady’s actions if you wear a hole in the carpet, Fullmetal,” Roy teased as he watched Ed pace around the living area. “It’s been only a month since we had to replace it from our last incident.”

“And whose bright idea was that?” Ed huffed as he flopped onto the couch, his right arm making a thunking noise as it hit the frame.

Roy smirked a little in response. “Why, are you implying that you don’t want to save time on chores, Fullmetal?”

“Sure I do.” Ed replied, “Hell, Al and I tried the same thing. But we also have the excuse of being _ten_ at the time, not a lazy grown-ass man.” Roy opened his mouth to protest, but Ed was quick on the draw. “How’s that paperwork load, by the way?” The grimace he got in reply said all that needed to be, and Ed just laughed at his adoptive parent’s suffering. Al, who was sitting on a nearby barstool, didn’t really bother to hide a smile as he shook his head in mild exasperation.

Roy appreciated his ability to make his son happy, even if it did mean throwing himself on his sword every now and then. It was a price worth paying to see Ed crack a genuine smile – god knows the kid deserved it. But, inevitably, Roy’s thoughts turned to the upcoming discussion.

The situation with Ling, Lan Fan, and Mei was… unique. The power struggles of an inherited monarchy that had up to fifty potential heirs were no laughing matter. Now, two of those heirs were in Amestris, searching for a philosopher’s stone to secure their claim – something which if you had asked Roy about the idea two days ago, he would have laughed in your face. To him, the stone (if it were mentioned) had always been something only ever spoken of as a pipe dream; an ideal to strive towards rather than actually, truly attainable. But after seeing the lengths someone had gone to in order to attempt its creation… well. Every myth started from a grain of truth, didn’t they? The question was, just how close to the truth had they gotten?

A knock at the door silenced the internal monologue. “I’ve got it.” Al said, as he stood up to go and greet the new arrivals.

As Al moved, Roy’s hand went to his pocket. He doubted an ignition glove would be needed, but in short and sharp bursts it could be used to break up a fight. Siblings or not, Ling and Mei were rivals at best – a fact that had been made clear when they first saw each other in Amestris, as both Ed and Al had recounted afterwards. It paid to be prepared.

Al opened the door to reveal a grinning Ling, flanked by a stone-faced Lan Fan. “Aaaaay, Al!” Ling exclaimed as he pulled the younger Elric into an awkward hug. Lan Fan gave her own nod in greeting, while sighing fondly at the antics of her charge.

“I see you’ve learned to use a door.” Al teased as Ling let him go. “I think the lady from the floor below us thought you were robbers last time you came.”

“Ah, you Amestrians.” Ling said, unrepentant, “Don’t knock a good window entrance if you haven’t tried it!”

“Well…” Al laughed, rubbing the back of his neck, “She gave us some really good condolence cupcakes. I didn’t have the heart to correct her. Or the stomach.”

“See? I should do it more often!” Ling grinned. “…Can I come in?”

* * *

A few minutes later, Ling, Lan Fan and Mei had each taken a seat. Ling and Lan Fan took up a two-seat couch, Mei had been given a beanbag, and the Elrics each took a seat in the couch that had been turned to face them. Roy chose to remain in the nearby kitchen, to both oversee proceedings and provide detail or context when needed. The room was quietly tense, none of the occupants entirely sure where to start.

“This is about what you were working on yesterday, isn’t it?” Ling asked, solemnly. “You both went quiet for a day after Alphonse left to research your father’s books.” Ed ‘tch’ed irritably at the mention of his father, but managed to tamp the anger down.

“…Yes.” Ed admitted. “We told you we were studying a transmutation circle for Roy. What you didn’t see, was… what we realised it was for.”

“Or where it came from.” Al jumped in. “We’re pretty sure that the circle was used as part of a procedure that created a philosopher’s stone.”

“You found a way to create a stone?!” Mei exclaimed, jumping out of her beanbag at Al, who squawked in protest. “Tell me! Tell me how!”

“Mei, please stop!” Al yelped, trying to calm her down a little as she shook him back and forth. “I can’t tell you!”

“WHY NOT?!”

“Because it kills people.” Ed said. Mei’s shaking came to a screeching halt, Ling and Lan Fan both visibly double-taking. The tension in the room practically doubled, before Lan Fan broke the silence.

“What exactly do you mean by that?”

Ed sighed heavily. “I mean that… I honestly can’t tell you for certain if the circle worked without trying to replicate it. But, as far as we can tell, it worked. And it cost five innocent people their lives.”

Roy watched the reactions of the three visitors. Mei audibly gasped, her hands going to her mouth. Lan Fan closed the distance between herself and her charge, leaning into him slightly to try and comfort both him and herself as Ling’s face filled with horror.

“You wanted a philosopher’s stone?” Ed questioned, “Ask yourself if butchering your way to the top is worth it.”


	26. Everybody Was Fu Fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> Fu: Fu  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan  
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Fullmetal: Ed

**Direct Message (@Fu)**

**Hoodie Ninja:** Grandfather.

 **Fu:** Granddaughter. It is good to hear from you.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** How are you faring?

 **Fu:** Well enough, given the circumstances. I wish I could have accompanied you, the Young Lord can be a handful.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** I’ve learned to keep up with him. Perhaps he simply doesn’t like you?

 **Fu:** Pah! This is the thanks I get for raising you? You wound this old man!

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Grandfather, I know for a fact that you still regularly give practical demonstrations on why trainees should respect their elders.

 **Fu:** Underestimating one’s opponent is a sign of an unskilled warrior. Besides, it’s rather good fun.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** …Thank you, grandfather. I needed that.

 **Fu:** Hm. I see I’m not entirely unappreciated after all. Why have you truly called, granddaughter?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** The search for the stone has… faltered. We have a lead, but there is an unforeseen complication. I require your advice.

 **Fu:** Very well. Explain it to me, and I will do my best to aid you.

* * *

**Direct Message (@Fresh Prince of Xing)**

**Fullmetal:** Oi, Ling

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** What?

 **Fullmetal:** Still moping around?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Considering what you told me, I feel like at least some moping is justified.

 **Fullmetal:** So that’s a yes

 **Fullmetal:** Wanna forget about it for a bit?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** …what?

 **Fullmetal:** There’s this real hole in the wall out on the outskirts of Central, heard some other kids talking about it a couple times

 **Fullmetal:** They don’t check ages too hard, if you catch my drift

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Just me?

 **Fullmetal:** I mean you can bring Lan Fan if you want, up to you

 **Fullmetal:** Just saying, offer’s open

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** What’s it called, anyway?

 **Fullmetal:** Iunno, Darryl’s Messed?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** You’re shitting me.

 **Fullmetal:** I know it’s something like that, I wasn’t listening all that well

 **Fullmetal:** Whatever

 **Fullmetal:** Take it or leave it

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** ……Sure. Sometime tonight?

 **Fullmetal:** Sounds good. See you in a few hours.

* * *

**Fu:** Hm... I can see why you contacted me; the situation is most troubling. What of the Young Lord?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Indecisive, as I am. He struggles with the needs of his clan against his own need to be a moral ruler.

 **Fu:** His compassion is commendable, but life does not always offer a ruler such luxury. What do you make of it?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** I agree with his principle, but without a stone we cannot return to claim the throne. And the Young Lord refuses to force anyone else to create one, leaving us stranded.

 **Fu:** Hm. What of the stone that already exists?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Grandfather?

 **Fu:** Think, child. You say that you know of the stone because you believe one was already made. One that, once taken, can be put to better use than whatever nefarious ends its creator surely intends for it.

 **Fu:** The Young Lord should have little issue with such an idea. Once he presents the stolen stone to the Emperor, without revealing its origin, his claim is secure and the Emperor’s life is extended without endangering anyone further.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** You always make these things sound so simple, grandfather…

 **Fu:** Pah. An old man like me has no time for overcomplicating things.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Of course. Thank you. Keep well, grandfather.

 **Fu:** I always do. Keep the Young Lord from doing anything too reckless.

 **Fu:** And be safe… Lan Fan.


	27. I Am Lan Fan. Keep Him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Brother No: Al
> 
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Direct Message (@Brother No)**

**Fullmetal:** Al cover me I’m sneaking out to go help Ling and Lan Fan unwind a little

 **Brother No:** Wait what

 **Brother No:** **ED!**

* * *

To say that Lan Fan was irritated was something of an understatement. When the Young Lord had told her that he was going out with Ed on this night, and especially for what purpose, it was only her sense of duty that restrained her from grabbing him by his ear and demanding to know what the hell he was thinking. His insistence on going (which, she begrudgingly admitted, did have a semblance of reason behind it) led to her own insistence that she join him, to at least ensure his continued safety – a condition to which the Young Lord thankfully agreed with little complaint.

They had spent thirty minutes trying to find the damned place. She learned while searching that Edward had apparently never been to the establishment in question before, and so didn’t know its exact location. Worse, he wasn’t sure of the name, leaving them unable to search for it on a map. Which, in turn, led to them spending far too long wandering a rather seedy district of Central. And that, it seemed, was just the start of her problems.

Chi reading was… a complex subject. Most of Xing’s nobility and their bodyguards were all trained in how to read it, as one of many lines of defence in the ever-present game of thrones. Those skilled enough could read a person’s entire emotional state from how their chi flowed, though many stopped at the ‘detection’ stage. A person’s chi said much about who they were, and Lan Fan _did not like_ what she saw.

Where most people’s chi flow resembled a calm pool, occasionally disturbed by strong anger or sadness… The apparent owner, whoever he was, had the flow of a raging torrent, constantly trying to burst out of the man’s frame. It gave an intense feeling of _wrongness_ whenever she looked at him, so much that Lan Fan had to avert her gaze or she would never look anywhere else. The fact that they hadn’t shown any ill intent did calm her slightly, but Lan Fan would have shamed her grandfather if she let her guard down around such a rankling creature.

Edward had displayed some foresight by ordering something light for himself and the Young Lord, and they were currently awaiting the drinks’ arrival. The two were engaged in their own conversation, leaving Lan Fan to observe her surroundings.

The Devil’s Nest (‘How charming’), as it was called, was certainly in keeping with the seedy nature of its location. Building maintenance was clearly not a priority; dingy lighting, scratched tables and a few dents in the walls were just what she could immediately see. Not to mention that the staff (owner excluded) all looked like they had been in more than one bar fight, and they had the table manner to match. Edward may not have come here before, but from what she knew of the boy, Lan Fan could see him recommending it if he had.

“You do realise that some things can just be a coincidence, right?” the Young Lord said with a questioning smile, “They don’t have to be related.”

“But it makes too much sense! Flames that hot have to come from somewhere… Why else would he send the High-End Nomu after Endeavor?” Edward retorted.

“Because he’s the new number one hero by then.” The Young Lord replied. “Who was he supposed to have it fight? Manual? Besides, not every flame quirk comes from a single bloodline. Midoriya’s dad was a fire breather.”

“A different branch of the family.”

The Young Lord laughed. “Honestly, Ed, your theories give Shoto a run for his money. Next, you’ll be telling me the purple-haired kid from General Studies is related to Aizawa.”

Edward smirked. “Nah, he’s not.”

The Young Lord raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

“Biologically, anyway.” Edward conceded.

“I knew it!”

A corner of Lan Fan’s mouth quirked upward as the Young Lord laughed. It was one of the small things she enjoyed about being by his side. As a bodyguard she was bound to him regardless, but… surely, nobody would object to her being happy about the idea?

Before that line of thought could continue further, she found herself hiding her disgust as the owner of the bar approached, a plate with two glasses on it in hand.

“One for the shorty, and one for the tall-y,” he said as he put the drinks down on the table. Edward glowered at the comment, which only made the owner laugh, loud and boisterous. But, miraculously, the boy didn’t unleash his fury. Perhaps he just wasn’t willing to start a fight… yet. The owner turned his attention towards Lan Fan, throwing her a toothy grin. If she weren’t so focused on ignoring his chi, she might have called it slightly charming.

“And none for the lady. Not a drinker?” he asked.

“Correct.” She answered simply.

She heard the Young Lord chuckle. “Don’t worry, sir, it’s nothing personal. She and alcohol don’t mix.”

A wave of confusion passed over the man for a moment, before that damned face of his split into a grin. “Well, why didn’t you just say so?! Pretty sure I’ve got some soft drink sitting around in the back.” Turning away from the group, he yelled across the room; “HEY, DOLCETTO, GO SEE IF WE’VE STILL GOT SOME COLA IN THE FRIDGES!”

“YOU GOT IT, BOSS!” a man yelled in response from behind a wall. The owner turned back to the group, gauging reactions.

“That is… acceptable.” Lan Fan said.

“No sweat, little miss. Every friend group needs a responsible one, eh?” He laughed at his own little joke. “Name’s Greed.”

“’Greed’?” Edward snorted, “Your dad not like you or something?”

“Eh, you could say that.” ‘Greed’ shrugged, grabbing a chair from a nearby table to sit down with them. “Can’t say I’ve seen any of you around these parts. What brings you to my most illustrious bar?”

* * *

**Direct Message (@Hoodie Ninja)**

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Remind me to thank Ed for taking us to that bar tonight

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Drinks were okay, and the view was nice too

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I’m pretty sure you could grate cheese on the owner’s abs

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I wonder if he’d mind me asking

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** And that smile of his…

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** He could punch me in the face and I’d consider thanking him

 **Hoodie Ninja:** YOUNG LORD

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Eh? What’s wrong?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** It’s nothing. I’m fine.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** …is this about Greed?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** It’s late, Young Lord. We should rest.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** …I suppose it is

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Good night, Lan Fan


	28. Bringing New Meaning To ‘Watching GoldenEye’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> Mastress of Disguise: Envy  
> Better Than You: Pride  
> Buy Me Dinner First: Lust

**Mastress of Disguise:** why are we still here

 **Mastress of Disguise:** just to suffer

 **Better Than You:** What are you complaining about now?

 **Mastress of Disguise:** eat my entire ass pride

 **Better Than You:** I’ll leave the garbage eating to Gluttony.

 **Mastress of Disguise:** OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Envy, honey, what’s wrong?

 **Mastress of Disguise:** what do you fuckin think

 **Mastress of Disguise:** human duty

 **Mastress of Disguise:** why the fuck does father always give this job to me

 **Mastress of Disguise:** i fuckin hate humans

 **Mastress of Disguise:** so weak and pathetic

 **Better Than You:** Because Greed betrayed us, Gluttony and Sloth don’t have the capacity to do it alone, I look like a child, and Wrath and Lust have other duties. We all have our roles to play.

 **Mastress of Disguise:** yeah yeah i get it

 **Mastress of Disguise:** fucking greed leaving us

 **Mastress of Disguise:** leaving me to do this job alone every damn day

 **Mastress of Disguise:** what does the world have that we dont huh

 **Mastress of Disguise:** and another th

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** …Envy?

 **Mastress of Disguise:** just saw something interesting

 **Mastress of Disguise:** someone interesting

 **Mastress of Disguise:** runt kid blonde hair gold eyes red coat

 **Mastress of Disguise:** looks kinda familiar

 **Mastress of Disguise:** got a couple tagalongs

 **Mastress of Disguise:** screw this im following him

 **Mastress of Disguise:** havent found shit all fucking week

 **Mastress of Disguise:** daddy has a problem with it he can take it up with truth

* * *

**Mastress of Disguise:** OI WHAT THE FUCK

 **Better Than You:** What _now?_

 **Mastress of Disguise:** HOW DOES THIS KID KNOW ABOUT THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE?

_**[MESSAGE DELETED]** _

**Buy Me Dinner First:** What was that string of gibberish, Pride?

 **Mastress of Disguise:** bet he dropped his phone

 **Better Than You:** Your baseless implication that I am as clumsy as Sloth has been noted.

 **Better Than You:** Regardless, Father will be quite… _interested_ in this.


	29. Fullmetal Hangover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Brother No: Al  
> Gearhead: Winry  
> Xiao Mei: Mei
> 
> Need a Light: Mustang  
> Dad Jokes: Hughes

**Fullmetal:** Kill me

 **Gearhead:** Later

 **Brother No:** This is entirely your fault and I could have told you that before you did it.

 **Xiao Mei:** Eh? What happened?

 **Brother No:** Ed snuck out of the house to go drinking with Ling and Lan Fan, and almost caused a Central-wide manhunt.

 **Brother No:** So, predictably, he’s both hungover and grounded.

 **Gearhead:** Wait, snuck out? Why?

 **Gearhead:** Would you get in trouble with your parents or something?

 **Fullmetal:** Because underage drinking is kind of illegal yeah I’m pretty sure I would

 **Gearhead:** …

 **Brother No:** Brother…

 **Gearhead:** …Ed, you idiot

 **Fullmetal:** What?

 **Gearhead:** Ed, you’re 17

 **Fullmetal:** …yeah, and?

 **Gearhead:** The drinking age is 16

 **Fullmetal:** what

 **Gearhead:** Did you just

 **Gearhead:** Not know what the drinking age was?

 **Gearhead:** And somehow concluded you were underage instead of looking it up?

 **Fullmetal:** …huh?

 **Brother No:** ed-sistentialcrisis.jpg

* * *

_**Direct Message (@Dad Jokes)** _

**Need a Light:** I would like to state, for the record, that I love my sons dearly and their intelligence deserves much praise. But by god, some days it feels like there is a single braincell between them. Usually held by Al.

 **Dad Jokes:** Oh yeah, Hawkeye gave me the gist. New development in the story?

 **Need a Light:** Ed just texted me to ask what the drinking age was.

 **Need a Light:** I spent half an hour lecturing that boy on why you shouldn’t sneak out at night and risk a panic attack for at least one of your parents, and suddenly exactly _why_ he did it suddenly makes sense.

 **Need a Light:** Maes?

 **Dad Jokes:** Sorry, just had to laugh for a minute there.

 **Dad Jokes:** I wish I was less surprised; I was your roommate for three years.

 **Need a Light:** Rude.

 **Dad Jokes:** But true. I’m just saying, Roy, being a “genius dumbass” isn’t exactly unheard of around this circle of friends. You truly are made for each other.

 **Need a Light:** Any update on the case?

 **Dad Jokes:** Nothing we don’t already know on my end. What about you?

 **Need a Light:** I spoke with miss Curtis and she’s not involved, thank god. Would have hated to break that news to the boys. Other than that… it seems we’ve hit a dead end again. A couple of witness reports of scuffles and yelling, but nothing solid we can actually follow up on.

 **Need a Light:** Just when I thought we might be getting somewhere…

 **Dad Jokes:** Ah, don’t be too hard on yourself, Roy. Not until we’re somewhere you can drown your sorrows at, anyway. I hear the Devil’s Nest is a great spot for young people to get a nice drink.

 **Need a Light:** Bite me, Maes.


	30. Danger Stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> What's Yours Is Mine: Greed  
> Buy Me Dinner First: Lust

**_Direct Message (@Buy Me Dinner First)_ **

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** Hello, is this the police, because I would like to report a robbery

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** If this is about that boy who visited the bar again, I am telling Envy where you live.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Oh look, suddenly I have nothing to report

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Damn it, Greed, this is the third time this week. Just fuck him already.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** He hasn’t been back to the bar yet, and I’m not suicidal enough to go crawling all over Central trying to find him. Couldn’t find him on the internet either.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** And of course you didn’t think to get his number while he was there.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** I did, but…

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** …but?

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Girl he was with was giving me a mean stink eye the whole time they were there, never left his’ side that night. Dunno if he’s taken, but I wasn’t about to ask around her.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Ouch. Any idea if he’ll come back?

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Nope. Looked like they were getting dragged out by this blonde kid. With windows that match the drapes, if you know what I mean.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Looked alright, but so not my type. I pity the woman that ends up with him.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** …back up.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Gold eyes?

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Yeah? What of it

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Short, red coat? Bit of a temper?

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** You met him?

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Not personally, but Envy… Greed, he knows about philosopher’s stones. And Pride knows that he knows.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Which means daddy dearest knows too and it’s only a matter of time.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** _Son of a fucking bitch._

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** …Maybe I’ll get lucky with a five second head-start.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** _Greed._


	31. My Son, Previously Thought to be Eternally Grounded, Just Sent Me This:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Brother No: Al  
> Gearhead: Winry  
> Fresh Prince of Xing: Ling  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan  
> Xiao Mei: Mei

**Fullmetal:** ilivedbitch.jpg

 **Gearhead:** So grounding’s over, then?

 **Brother No:** Last week, we lost a sibling and dear friend, Edward Elric…

 **Fullmetal:** QUIT TELLING PEOPLE I’M DEAD

 **Brother No:** Sometimes it still feels like I can hear his dumbass voice.

 **Xiao Mei:** HA

 **Fullmetal:** Okay you know what

 **Fullmetal:** that’s fair

 **Gearhead:** I still don’t know how you managed that sequence of events

 **Fullmetal:** In hindsight I’m not sure myself

 **Fullmetal:** It made sense in my head at the time I swear

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Why do I get the feeling that’s a common saying for you?

 **Fullmetal:** Ling help your bodyguard’s attacking me

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Then die as an enemy of Xing’s future ruler

 **Xiao Mei:** Ahem.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Did I stutter

 **Fullmetal:** OI NO FIGHTING IN THE WAR ROOM

 **Gearhead:** But this is a groupchat?

 **Brother No:** :( Mei…

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord.

 **Xiao Mei:** …Fine

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Fine

* * *

**Direct Message (@Fresh Prince of Xing)**

**Fullmetal:** So, now that I’m no longer grounded…

 **Fullmetal:** Wanna go back there?

 **Fullmetal:** With permission this time

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I’ll get back to you

* * *

**Direct Message (@Hoodie Ninja)**

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** Lan Fan

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Ed and I were thinking of going to the Devil’s Nest again

 **Hoodie Ninja:** …As you wish, Young Lord.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** You don’t approve

 **Hoodie Ninja:** …I am your servant, Young Lord. Where you go, I will follow.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Even if it’s somewhere you don’t want to be?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Of course. Duty must overcome personal feelings.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Lan Fan…

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Why don’t you want me to go?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Does it matter?

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** It does to me. Lan Fan, you’re not just a bodyguard to me, you’re my friend. Please?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** It is a distraction from our task of finding the stone.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Going to school every day is a distraction, yet I see no objections to that…

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Complying with legal requirements is a frustration, but a necessary one. This is a fool’s errand designed only to waste time.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** So allowing a few hours to enjoy myself is a waste of time now?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord, it is hardly enjoyment if one cannot remember the event the next morning. Intoxicating yourself like that is reckless.

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** I’m seventeen years old, I’m allowed to be a little reckless!

 **Hoodie Ninja:** NOT WHEN AN ENTIRE FAMILY RESTS ON YOUR SHOULDERS!

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord, I apologise. My temper got the better of me.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Young Lord?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** …Young Lord?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** …Ling?

* * *

**Direct Message (@Fullmetal)**

**Fresh Prince of Xing:** I’ll see you tonight, Ed

 **Fresh Prince of Xing:** Just you and me


	32. Classified (For Parents' Eyes Only)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> Xiao Mei: Mei  
> Brother No: Al
> 
> Fuck You Marvel: Hawkeye  
> Need A Light: Mustang

**Direct Message (@Brother No)**

**Xiao Mei:** Are you sure this is okay, Alphonse? I don’t want you to get in trouble…

 **Brother No:** It’s fine, Mei. Riza said we had to do any actual transmutations outside, so we don’t damage the apartment, but she’s happy to see me learning. Roy too.

 **Xiao Mei:** Okay…

 **Xiao Mei:** This is really exciting, though. I can’t wait to see the differences between alchemy and alkahestry!

 **Brother No:** Same here, it’ll be great to see how different people do things differently. You said alkahestry is based in medical uses, and… that’s something I want to be able to learn.

 **Xiao Mei:** Oh, Alphonse… And you’re sure Edward didn’t want to join us?

 **Brother No:** He said he had his own plans. He didn’t say what, but I think he’s going out to the bar again.

 **Xiao Mei:** So soon? Didn’t he just get out of punishment from the last time?

 **Brother No:** Only because he snuck out. Roy said that punishing him for drinking at this age would be ‘hypocritical’.

 **Brother No:** I guess this time they know where he’s going?

 **Xiao Mei:** Huh. Your family is weird.

 **Brother No:** Takes one to know one, Mei.

 **Xiao Mei:** Ooh! Just wait ‘til I get there, Alphonse! I’ll give you a practical demonstration!

 **Brother No:** Wouldn’t want to miss it!

* * *

**Direct Message (@Fuck You Marvel)**

**Brother No:** Thanks again for letting Mei come over, Riza. Would you like to watch?

 **Fuck You Marvel:** You’re welcome, Alphonse. I’m sorry, but no. Maybe once Ms. Chang is gone, you can tell me about it when you’re done, okay?

 **Brother No:** Sure thing. I’m so excited; there’s this whole other style of alchemy from another country and yeah I’ve heard about it before but I never thought I’d get to see it up close and maybe she’ll be able to teach me some things and it’ll be so neat just to watch her do it and

 **Brother No:** Um, Riza? Forget that last part.

 **Fuck You Marvel:** Hm, I’ll think about it.

 **Brother No:** Riza, you’re not serious?

 **Brother No:** I can see you typing. Who are you telling?

 **Fuck You Marvel:** That’s classified.

 **Brother No:** RIZA!

* * *

**Direct Message (@Need A Light)**

**Fuck You Marvel:** You’re right, he’s absolutely smitten. Do you think he’d have Edward as his best man?

 **Need A Light:** Could you imagine him picking anyone else?


	33. If It's Stupid, But It Works...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan

**Direct Message (@Fullmetal)**

**Hoodie Ninja:** Edward.

 **Fullmetal:** Huh, Lan Fan?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** You are accompanying the Young Lord to the Devil’s Nest tonight.

 **Fullmetal:** Yeah, he said you weren’t coming

 **Fullmetal:** What’s up?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Just… please ensure he does not do anything too reckless.

 **Fullmetal:** Okay?

* * *

This was probably a bad idea.

Scratch that, it was definitely a bad idea. But Ling had already declared his intentions to Edward, and his… disagreement with Lan Fan had him stubborn and determined. Backing out now would just make him look even more foolish than he was already being.

As they walked into the seedy districts of Central, he saw Ed giving him a confused and slightly concerned look out of the corner of his eye. The two had exchanged pleasantries when they met up before heading to the Devil’s Nest, but Ling wasn’t in much of a mood to speak. He was mildly thankful that Ed seemed to see it the same way.

If the look Ed was giving him was any indication, Lan Fan had probably messaged him already – if she couldn’t be there in person, she did her absolute best to ensure his safety with others. It was how she had been since she took the bodyguard’s oath, like all able-bodied members of her family. To her, duty was everything.

While Ling and Lan Fan had been friends practically since they could talk to each other (or earlier, if his mother’s stories were to be believed), Ling had seen the gap opening between them as they each began their training in the early teens. By the age of sixteen, when Lan Fan swore her life in service to him, that gap had become a chasm. No longer were they equal friends, but lord and servant. As she constantly reminded him every time they spoke.

‘Maybe that’s what this was really about,’ Ling reflected, as they came to the Devil’s Nest’s door. ‘What has duty ever done for me? Taken away my best friend and had me chasing a ghost story that’s real in the worst possible way. And yet…’

And yet, if he were given the chance to do it all again, Ling knew he would. Because turning his back on his own duty meant leaving his clan to rot. That wasn’t something his own conscience could allow.

This wasn’t turning his back, merely averting his eyes for a few moments. Surely, there wasn’t much harm that could be taken in that. His ancestors would allow him this period of relaxation.

As Ling opened the door and took in the sight of the bar, he couldn’t help but notice the owner, Greed, grinning like an idiot as he and Edward found their way to a table. ‘Does it really matter? For now, I’ll just sit and enjoy the view,’ he thought with a small smile, as he contemplated his first drink order of the night.


	34. Dare To Be Stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> Buy Me Dinner First: Lust  
> What's Yours Is Mine: Greed
> 
> Brother No: Al  
> Fullmetal: Ed

**Direct Message (@Buy Me Dinner First)**

**What’s Yours Is Mine:** Where’s Envy?

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Got roped in on the latest acquisition. Why?

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Golden boy turned up and nothing exploded

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Xing kid is here too, with no escort this time

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Thank Truth for that. You can stop bothering me about him then.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** He’ll leave the bar eventually.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** You could kidnap him.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Lust…

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** You have been constantly sending me messages pining over this guy for the last week. Someone is going to notice, and I can’t be held responsible for what happens when they do.

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** For both my sake and yours: Go get ‘im, _Greed._

* * *

**Direct Message (@Brother No)**

**Fullmetal:** Note to self – if Ling is going to the Devil’s Nest, either bring Lan Fan or let him go alone.

 **Brother No:** Eh?

 **Fullmetal:** I have been sitting here for thirty minutes

 **Fullmetal:** In that time, I’ve heard far more flirting than I wanted tonight

 **Fullmetal:** I’m pretty sure Ling is drunk off his ass right now

 **Fullmetal:** I don’t know how much longer we’re going to be here

 **Fullmetal:** Lan Fan is probably going to kill him, and then me for letting him do it

 **Fullmetal:** If I don’t make it out of this, tell Mustang he’s a dick for me


	35. Be Careful What You Wish For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames
> 
> Gearhead: Winry  
> Fullmetal: Ed  
> Hoodie Ninja: Lan Fan
> 
> What's Yours Is Mine: Greed  
> Buy Me Dinner First: Lust
> 
> Need a Light: Mustang  
> Dad Jokes: Hughes

**Gearhead:** Anyone heard from Ling since last night?

 **Fullmetal:** Left him with Lan Fan

 **Hoodie Ninja:** The Young Lord will not be joining you for several hours. He is still unconscious, and I suspect his headache will be considerable.

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Edward Elric, I believe you wanted a rematch?

 **Hoodie Ninja:** Consider the offer accepted. Expect my arrival tonight.

 **Brother No:** I think he just turned three shades paler.

 **Gearhead:** Ed, what did you _do?_

 **Fullmetal:** …

 **Fullmetal:** I fucking wish it was a school day right now.

 **Fullmetal:** Then Lan Fan’s murderous rage would be scaring everybody, not just me.

* * *

**Direct Message (@What’s Yours Is Mine)**

**Buy Me Dinner First:** So.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Hm?

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** How did it go?

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** How did what go?

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** You know what I’m talking about.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** No I don’t, please explain in elaborate detail

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** Are you serious?

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** I thought you didn’t want to talk about him

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** I don’t. But your wellbeing is important to me.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Sounds fake but okay

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** _Greed._

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Fiiiiine

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** It went… okay? Either he swings for my team or he thought I was a chick

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** That would be a first.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** It’s a seedy bar, you’d be surprised

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Got a number and not much else

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Kid got so wasted he’ll feel it tomorrow, and like hell was I gonna try anything on that

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** He’ll be back

 **Buy Me Dinner First:** …I’m happy for you, Greed. For what it’s worth, I hope it works out.

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Yeah

 **What’s Yours Is Mine:** Me too

* * *

**Direct Message (@Need A Light)**

**Dad Jokes:** Do you want the good news, or the bad news?

 **Need A Light:** Good news.

 **Dad Jokes:** I found the link between our victims. All of them are surviving Ishval Rioters.

 **Need A Light:** Shit. And the bad news?

 **Dad Jokes:** Our body count just doubled.


	36. A Reality Check

**TEN YEARS ON, A NATION REMEMBERS**

**_Part of a Retrospective Series on the Ishval Riots_ **

_Written by Peter Jameson for the Central Tribune_

It is hard for some to believe that ten years have passed since the event that has been burned into the Amestrian public consciousness through fire and blood. Walking the streets of Central today, physical reminders of the riots that took place across the city are hard to come by. Most buildings that were damaged or destroyed in the violence have long since been repaired or replaced; painted over to cover the scars of the inflicted wounds.

While visible evidence has been erased, however, the emotional toll that the riots inflicted will likely last a lifetime or more. I spoke with many people of their experiences… one of them was Pinako Rockbell, an automail mechanic who lost two children in the riots. Her granddaughter, Winry, is studying towards inheriting the family business.

“Feels like I’ve just left their funeral, some days,” she says with a sad smile, as she settles into her seat. “Others, it was a lifetime ago.”

Yuriy and Sarah Rockbell were both doctors, having finished their medical training just three years earlier. They had made their home in the Eastern region of Amestris, but travelled to Central a day after the riots began to help injured protestors and bystanders.

“I tried to tell them that it wasn’t their fight… I thought it was too dangerous," she reflects. "I didn’t want to lose them. But they had made up their minds, and nothing would stop them. I suspect that even if they knew they were walking to their deaths, they would have done the same thing. They knew they could do something to help and, really, I think they would have regretted it all their lives if they hadn’t gone.”

Their deaths left quite an impact on the family. “My granddaughter took it hardest, between the two of us. She was just seven years old when they left. Every day for a month after they died, she would run to the door whenever it opened, hoping that her mother and father had finally come home. Watching her crumble every time she saw it was someone else broke my heart. Her friends and I did our best to comfort her, but… losing your parents that young, nobody comes out of that truly unscathed, do they?”

Ms. Rockbell’s story is unique, but sadly not unaccompanied. Dozens of people lost their lives, while many more also lost their livelihoods in the riots that lasted for over two weeks. Those left behind are still mourning those losses, ten years later.

“Of all this misery," she confides, "the worst part of it is that I don’t know what really happened. Nobody can give me an honest, definite answer. I know it won’t bring them back, but after all these years, I just wish I knew what happened to my son and daughter. I know Winry feels the same way.”

* * *

While investigating for this retrospective, I wanted two things – to understand the lasting effects of the Ishval Riots, and to find out just what caused such an upheaval. I interviewed as many people as I could and spoke informally with many others, and came away with an overarching sense of two conflicting points of view. Both sides agree that the sparking point was the death of an Ishvalan teenager while dealing with law enforcement. It also seems to be the only thing they agree on.

On one side are much of Central’s law enforcement, who claim that the teenager was armed and belligerent at the time of his death. This was also an isolated incident, limited to the actions of several bad officers that were dealt with quickly and appropriately. This was then blown completely out of proportion and used as a basis to ignite racial tensions and create a violent uprising.

On the other are the surviving rioters and their supporters, who claim he was a victim of systemic racism in the Amestrian government, and in Central’s law enforcement in particular. He was unarmed, and his death was the result of an overreaction by the officers involved. Those officers were then surrounded and protected by their fellows and escaped any meaningful punishment. The riots were the result of decades of being treated as second-class citizens who didn’t deserve justice, and in fact had been peaceful protests until police intervened.

Do you agree with either side, or do you think the truth is somewhere in between? In the next part of the series, I dig deeper into some of the issues that had plagued Amestris and Ishvalans for years before the fatal shots were fired.

To those who lost their lives, we will remember. And for those left with questions, I hope to find answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was... an interesting chapter to write. Changing literary styles again, this time to a newspaper article format. It's weird, but I do think it fits in this case.
> 
> I know that the timeline of these events don't fit neatly into the proper FMA canon, but frankly Trisha wasn't alive when the boys were tutored by Izumi in the canon either, so I think the idea of trying to reconcile the two is just going to end in pain. Hopefully the changes make this story a better one.
> 
> And for anyone that's commenting: Yes, I do read them! I'm still not quite sure what people see in it, but I'm happy that people are enjoying reading this weird thing as much if not more than I enjoy writing it. Honestly, thank you.
> 
> Next chapter will bring plot advancement, I swear! Probably.
> 
> ...Maybe.


End file.
